Not Just Friends by Shirley P. Glass Summary
Overview of Not Just Friends
Dubbed "the godmother of infidelity research," Dr. Shirley Glass reveals why affairs happen in good marriages. Endorsed by Oprah and praised by therapists, this revolutionary guide introduces the "windows and walls" concept that transformed how couples navigate trust and boundaries.
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Key takeaways
The Earthquake That Changes Everything
What if your safest relationship became your greatest threat? One morning you're sharing coffee with your partner of twenty years. By evening, you've discovered they've been living a double life. This isn't a thriller plot-it's the reality facing countless couples today. Shirley P. Glass spent decades studying this devastating phenomenon, and what she discovered challenges everything we thought we knew about cheating. The most dangerous affairs don't start in bars or dating apps. They begin at the office coffee machine, in gym parking lots, through late-night work emails-innocent spaces where "just friends" gradually becomes something unrecognizable. Her research revealed a startling pattern: 82% of unfaithful partners had affairs with someone who started as merely a friend. This isn't your grandmother's infidelity. It's quieter, slower, and far more destructive because by the time anyone realizes what's happening, emotional roots have grown impossibly deep. Think about your closest work colleague or gym buddy. Now imagine that relationship gradually replacing your marriage as your primary emotional connection. This is how modern affairs unfold-not through dramatic passion but through incremental boundary erosions that feel harmless until they're not.
How Innocent Friendships Cross Dangerous Lines
The Double Life and Its Crushing Weight
The Trauma of Betrayal and Its Aftermath
Rebuilding Trust Through Transparency and Accountability
The Healing Power of Complete Disclosure
Understanding Vulnerabilities and Building Lasting Protection
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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