Opening Up by Tristan Taormino Summary
Overview of Opening Up
Redefining love beyond monogamy, "Opening Up" has become the essential guide for ethical non-monogamy. Where "The Ethical Slut" merely scratched the surface, Taormino's work dives deeper - could her framework for honesty and communication revolutionize all your relationships, not just romantic ones?
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Key takeaways
The Myth of One True Love and Evolution of Alternatives
Imagine finding a single person who fulfills your every need - emotional, physical, intellectual, financial, and spiritual - for the rest of your life. Sounds perfect, right? This fairy tale has been sold to us through rom-coms, love songs, and cultural expectations. Yet the statistics tell a different story: marriage rates have plummeted nearly 50% in five decades, while infidelity remains remarkably consistent across generations, with roughly one-third to one-half of married people having at least one affair. The problem isn't just that monogamy is difficult - it's that we've wrapped it in unrealistic expectations. We're told that finding "the one" means never desiring anyone else, that attraction to others signals failure, and that one person should satisfy all our complex needs indefinitely. When faced with desires that contradict this mythology, people typically respond in one of four ways: suppress the feelings through willpower, deny them entirely (often leading to resentment), cheat (creating elaborate deceptions that destroy trust), or practice serial monogamy (ending relationships to pursue new desires, only to repeat the cycle). Throughout human history, people have practiced various forms of nonmonogamy, though often hidden from public view. Modern organized forms began with swinging in mid-20th century America, possibly originating among Air Force pilots during World War II who formed informal agreements about caring for each other's wives. By the late 1990s, an estimated 3 million Americans were swingers, creating a substantial subculture with dedicated magazines, private clubs, and national conventions. The sexual revolution of the 1960s questioned prevailing norms about sex and relationships. In 1972, Nena and George O'Neill's bestselling book "Open Marriage" sold over 1.5 million copies, proposing marriage as a flexible relationship where partners committed to each other's growth while maintaining personal freedom. Gay men pioneered alternative relationship styles decades earlier, developing concepts like "open relationships" and "friends with benefits" that would later influence broader movements. While these concepts existed earlier, the term "polyamory" gained popularity in the 1990s, distinguishing loving multiple relationships from purely sexual arrangements. "The Ethical Slut" (1997) introduced crucial concepts like compersion (taking joy in a partner's other relationships) and ethical frameworks for managing multiple connections. Today, polyamory has grown from a fringe movement to a recognized relationship choice, with hundreds of organizations, support groups, and educational resources available.
Debunking Myths About Open Relationships
Essential Skills and Relationship Styles
Navigating Emotional Complexity
Practical Challenges and Solutions
Creating New Relationship Paradigms
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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