The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory by Dedeker Winston Summary
Overview of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory
Beyond monogamy's boundaries lies Dedeker Winston's revolutionary guide, empowering women to navigate ethical non-monogamy with confidence. Featured on the Multiamory podcast, this 2017 gem tackles jealousy head-on while dismantling stigmas. Ever wondered if multiple loves could actually strengthen your relationships?
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Key takeaways
Beyond Monogamy: Exploring Relationship Freedom
What if everything we've been taught about love being exclusive is simply one option among many? Dedeker Winston's journey into polyamory began with confusion and self-doubt. Despite being raised on Disney movies and religious teachings glorifying monogamy, she repeatedly developed feelings for others while in committed relationships. She cycled through serial monogamy, believing something was fundamentally wrong with her until discovering ethical non-monogamy - people could love multiple partners in healthy, stable ways. Polyamory, meaning "many loves," emphasizes honesty, consent, and emotional connection with multiple partners simultaneously. It's not Mormon polygamy, not primarily about kinky sex, not casual dating, and definitely not cheating. The key difference between non-monogamy and infidelity is consent. Perhaps most fundamentally, polyamory challenges the notion that finding "The One" eliminates desire for others or that love is a limited resource that must be carefully rationed. Love is infinite - what's finite is time and energy. Our assumptions about relationships are deeply influenced by selective historical narratives presenting monogamy as humanity's natural state. Yet looking at our closest primate relatives reveals interesting patterns: neither chimpanzees nor bonobos practice lifelong monogamy. Early humans likely lived in small nomadic tribes practicing "fierce egalitarianism" with communal childcare and resource-sharing, reducing the necessity for exclusive partnerships. The agricultural revolution fundamentally transformed human relationships by introducing concepts of private property and inheritance. Men needed to ensure resources would pass to biological offspring, making female monogamy essential in the absence of paternity testing. Throughout history, however, alternatives to monogamy have persisted. Native American tribes practiced various forms of non-monogamy before European colonization. The Oneida Community, founded in 1848, practiced "complex marriage" where all 300 members were considered married to each other. The modern polyamory movement emerged from the sexual revolutions of the 1960s and 70s, with the term "polyamorous" coined in 1990, perfectly coinciding with the early internet's ability to connect previously isolated non-monogamous communities.
Self-Knowledge and Essential Skills for Polyamorous Success
Transforming Jealousy into Growth
Crafting Relationships and Building Community
Love Without Limits
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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