What We Say Matters by Judith Hanson Lasater & Ike K. Lasater Summary
Overview of What We Say Matters
Discover the transformative power of words in "What We Say Matters," where nonviolent communication meets Buddhist wisdom. With over 64,000 Goodreads ratings, this practical guide has revolutionized relationships, workplaces, and parenting - all by changing how we express our deepest needs.
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Key takeaways
When Words Become Weapons or Bridges
Have you ever left a conversation feeling completely drained, as if someone just vacuumed the energy right out of you? Or experienced the opposite-a talk that left you buzzing with connection and understanding? The difference isn't random. It lies in something most of us never learned: how to speak with awareness. We master calculus and chemistry, memorize historical dates and literary devices, yet somehow graduate into adulthood without the slightest clue about conscious communication. We wield language like toddlers swinging hammers, unaware of our power to build or destroy. What if the secret to transforming every relationship in your life-with partners, children, colleagues, even strangers-isn't about what you say, but how you say it? This isn't about political correctness or walking on eggshells. It's about recognizing that each word we speak creates ripples that either connect us or push us further apart. Ancient traditions understood something we've lost: words shape reality. In yoga philosophy, satya (truthfulness) ranks as the second most important ethical principle, right after non-harming. But here's the twist-satya isn't just about honesty. It's about restraint, asking us to pause before speaking and consider whether our words might cause unnecessary pain. Buddhism's concept of "right speech" goes further, outlining four specific things to avoid: lies, gossip, harsh words, and meaningless chatter. Think about your last few conversations. How many would pass this test? These traditions recognized speech's dual power: it reveals our internal landscape while simultaneously shaping others' experiences. When you snap "You never listen!" you're not just describing reality-you're creating it, triggering defensiveness that ensures you won't be heard. But say instead "I feel unheard when I'm speaking and you're looking at your phone," and suddenly there's space for understanding rather than combat.
The Foundation of Nonviolent Communication
Four Choices and Clear Requests That Transform Interactions
Rewriting Your Internal Script and Transforming Interpretation
When Truth Meets Kindness and Anger Meets Awareness
The Practice Ground of Intimate Partnership
Living Compassion in Every Conversation
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"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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