Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press) book cover

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press) by Terrence Real Summary

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press)
Terrence Real
4.25 (3757 Reviews)
Relationship
Psychology
Self-growth
Communication skill
Overview
Key Takeaways
Author
FAQs

Overview of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press)

In "Us," Terrence Real challenges individualistic thinking with a radical approach to love. This New York Times bestseller (4.24/5 on Goodreads) reveals why helping your partner succeed creates deeper connection. What if minute-by-minute teamwork - not self-focus - is the real relationship game-changer?

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Key takeaways

1

The Fight You Keep Having Isn't Really About the Dishes

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Your partner just left their coffee cup on the counter again. You've asked them a hundred times to put it in the dishwasher. Your blood pressure rises. Your jaw clenches. Before you know it, you're not discussing a coffee cup anymore-you're relitigating every thoughtless thing they've done for the past decade. Sound familiar? Here's the uncomfortable truth: in that moment, you've literally forgotten you love this person. Your brain has transformed your partner from beloved companion into mortal enemy, and you're both operating from a part of yourselves that's about seven years old. This isn't a character flaw. It's neurobiology meeting unhealed wounds. When we're triggered, our prefrontal cortex-the rational, mature part of our brain-goes offline while our limbic system floods us with stress hormones. We lose the crucial pause between feeling and action. The "us" evaporates, replaced by adversarial "you versus me." We're no longer two adults trying to build a life together; we're wounded children fighting for survival. The question isn't whether you have these moments-everyone does. The question is: which part of you shows up when conflict arrives?

2

The Child Running Your Marriage

3

The Illusion of the Solo Self

4

When Your Past Hijacks Your Present

5

The Individualist Delusion Destroying Your Relationship

6

Thinking Like a Team Changes Everything

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Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press) isn't just a book — it's a masterclass in Relationship. To help you absorb its lessons in the way that works best for you, we offer five unique learning modes. Whether you're a deep thinker, a fast learner, or a story lover, there's a mode designed to fit your style.

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Distill Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press) into rapid-fire memory cues that highlight Pixar’s principles of candor, teamwork, and creative resilience.

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@Raaaaaachelw
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@Matt, YC alum
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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
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