Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press) by Terrence Real Summary
Overview of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (Goop Press)
In "Us," Terrence Real challenges individualistic thinking with a radical approach to love. This New York Times bestseller (4.24/5 on Goodreads) reveals why helping your partner succeed creates deeper connection. What if minute-by-minute teamwork - not self-focus - is the real relationship game-changer?
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Key takeaways
The Fight You Keep Having Isn't Really About the Dishes
Your partner just left their coffee cup on the counter again. You've asked them a hundred times to put it in the dishwasher. Your blood pressure rises. Your jaw clenches. Before you know it, you're not discussing a coffee cup anymore-you're relitigating every thoughtless thing they've done for the past decade. Sound familiar? Here's the uncomfortable truth: in that moment, you've literally forgotten you love this person. Your brain has transformed your partner from beloved companion into mortal enemy, and you're both operating from a part of yourselves that's about seven years old. This isn't a character flaw. It's neurobiology meeting unhealed wounds. When we're triggered, our prefrontal cortex-the rational, mature part of our brain-goes offline while our limbic system floods us with stress hormones. We lose the crucial pause between feeling and action. The "us" evaporates, replaced by adversarial "you versus me." We're no longer two adults trying to build a life together; we're wounded children fighting for survival. The question isn't whether you have these moments-everyone does. The question is: which part of you shows up when conflict arrives?
The Child Running Your Marriage
The Illusion of the Solo Self
When Your Past Hijacks Your Present
The Individualist Delusion Destroying Your Relationship
Thinking Like a Team Changes Everything
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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