I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Se-hee Summary
Overview of I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki
In this raw therapy memoir, Baek Sehee navigates depression while craving life's simple pleasures. Endorsed by BTS and translated by an International Booker Prize nominee, it's the contradiction we all live - wanting to disappear yet still hungering for spicy rice cakes.
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Key takeaways
When Death and Spicy Rice Cakes Share the Same Heart
Depression isn't the temporary sadness many imagine. It's the peculiar contradiction of simultaneously wanting to die while craving spicy rice cakes - finding life unbearable yet still clinging to small pleasures that make it worth enduring. This paradox forms the emotional core of Baek Sehee's journey through depression, captured in transcripts of her actual therapy sessions that invite us into the most vulnerable corners of her mind. The result feels less like reading a book and more like sitting beside a friend who finally feels safe enough to share their deepest wounds. What makes this account so powerful is how it refuses to offer tidy solutions. Depression isn't "the flu of the mind" with a clear treatment protocol - it's a chronic condition requiring ongoing management rather than a complete cure. Baek doesn't guide us toward eliminating depression but shares her experience of learning not to retreat into familiar patterns when depressed. She wants to be seen yet fears visibility, often spending hours preparing for social events only to cancel at the last minute. She craves connection while isolating herself, sometimes ignoring messages from friends for weeks while scrolling through their social media posts. These contradictions aren't signs of weakness - they're the complex reality of living with depression, manifestations of the internal struggle between engagement and withdrawal.
The Cruel Filter of Selective Memory and Self-Perception
Making the Invisible Visible: Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation
The Exhaustion of Social Performance
The Quiet Revolution of Self-Acceptance
Embracing the Scars That Make Us Human
The Journey Toward Integration and Wholeness
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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