How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by John Van Epp Summary
Overview of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk
In "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk," relationship expert John Van Epp reveals the psychology behind toxic attraction. With 4.16/5 stars from 1,735 readers, this controversial guide challenges conventional dating wisdom. College professors teach it - yet some call it misogynistic. Will you trust your heart?
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The Science Behind Love's Blindness
Ever wonder why smart people make terrible relationship choices? When we're infatuated, our brains actually suppress neural activity associated with critical judgment while releasing hormones that create euphoric feelings. This biological cocktail explains why Charlotte overlooked James's emotional detachment, why Marc tolerated Jenell's one-sided demands, and why Tasha missed Duane's controlling tendencies until after marriage. Each believed they knew their partner, but their attachment overrode their judgment. Throughout most of human history, approximately 80% of cultures practiced arranged marriages focused on compatibility rather than romance. Family elders vetted potential partners, emphasizing practical considerations over emotional connection. While this system had obvious drawbacks, it provided safeguards that modern dating lacks. Today, we're expected to make this life-altering decision based primarily on feelings designed to override critical thinking. It's like performing brain surgery while intoxicated-the very state we're in makes clear judgment nearly impossible. This is where the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) becomes invaluable. Rather than fighting our natural tendency to form attachments, it provides a structured approach that keeps both heart and head engaged throughout the relationship-building process.
The Five Sliders of Healthy Attachment
Finding Your Best Self First
The Three Cs of True Compatibility
Relationship Patterns Reveal Future Treatment
The Conscience: Your Partner's Moral Compass
Sexual Involvement: The Final Bonding Dynamic
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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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