How Not To Be a Boy book cover

How Not To Be a Boy by Robert Webb Summary

How Not To Be a Boy
Robert Webb
4.18 (15684 Reviews)
Biography
Psychology
Self-growth
Relationship
Overview
Key Takeaways
Author
FAQs

Overview of How Not To Be a Boy

In "How Not to Be a Boy," comedian Robert Webb hilariously dismantles toxic masculinity while breaking your heart. This Sunday Times bestseller sparked nationwide conversations about gender roles, with critics calling it both "disarming" and "impactful." What happens when boys finally cry?

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Key takeaways

1

When Masculinity Becomes a Cage

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A fifteen-year-old boy stares at his bedroom wall, where Van Gogh prints have replaced Star Wars posters. He's plotting how to impress a sixth-former through his end-of-term sketch show, trapped between who he's supposed to be and who he actually is. This isn't just teenage angst-it's the beginning of a lifelong reckoning with what it means to be male in a world that writes the script before you can speak. Growing up means learning the rules, but what happens when those rules are designed to break you? What if the very things we teach boys to become-tough, unemotional, dominant-are the things that destroy their capacity for connection, joy, and wholeness? In a respectable Lincolnshire village, a father looms like a storm cloud. He knocks boys off chairs at dinner. He thrashes his son with his own shorts for no clear reason. He laughs when children fall down stairs because pain is something to be conquered, not felt. This wasn't sadism-it was parenting. In the 1970s, this was what fathers did: worked dangerous jobs, drank heavily, kept order through fear. The man everyone loved at the pub was a different person behind closed doors, and his wife bore the weight of that difference until she couldn't anymore.

2

Learning Violence as Love

3

The Performance of Being Male

4

When the Center Cannot Hold

5

Comedy as Armor, Success as Substitute

6

The Reckoning Arrives

7

Becoming Fully Human

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"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

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@Raaaaaachelw
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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum
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12
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108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
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254
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17

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore
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"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP
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@Jaded_Falcon
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