How to Stay in Love by James J. Sexton Summary
Overview of How to Stay in Love
Divorce lawyer James Sexton reveals relationship-saving secrets from 20 years watching marriages fail. Featured on Andrew Huberman's podcast for his revolutionary take on prenups, this MMA-fighting attorney shows how love survives when you reverse-engineer relationship disasters.
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Key takeaways
Love's Battleground: What a Divorce Attorney Knows About Staying Together
Finding love might be challenging, but maintaining it requires true mastery. After facilitating thousands of marriage endings, I've witnessed firsthand how relationships collapse-not in dramatic explosions, but through slow disconnection. Despite the sobering 56% divorce rate (plus another 12% who stay unhappily married), the remarriage rate exceeds 80% within five years. This paradox reveals our profound human yearning for connection, even after heartbreak. What makes relationships fail? It boils down to two fundamental issues: not knowing what you want, and inability to express those desires. By the time someone walks into my office, their relationship is typically beyond saving-I've never talked a client out of divorcing. My role becomes like hospice care-I can't resurrect what's dying, but I can help architect what comes next. The good news? Staying in love isn't complicated, though it does demand consistent effort. Love isn't permanently gifted but loaned-and keeping it requires intention, awareness, and action. This perspective comes not from a marriage counselor with theories, but from someone who witnesses relationship autopsies daily. What if we could apply the wisdom gained from these endings to prevent them in the first place?
The Stories We Tell: Crafting Your Relationship Narrative
Hit Send Now: The Cost of Delayed Honesty
Tight Grips and Loose Arms: The Balance of Connection
The Myth of Mind Reading: No One Hears What You Don't Say
Design Your Marriage, Don't Default Into It
The Simple Secret: Just Give a Damn
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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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