How to Be Yourself by Ellen Hendriksen Summary
Overview of How to Be Yourself
Silence your Inner Critic with clinical psychologist Ellen Hendriksen's science-backed guide to conquering social anxiety. Endorsed by "Quiet" author Susan Cain as "groundbreaking," this compassionate roadmap reveals why your authentic self - not a filtered version - is your greatest social asset.
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Key takeaways
When Everyone Feels Like a Spotlight
Ever caught yourself replaying a conversation in your head, dissecting every word, convinced you said something embarrassing? That familiar knot in your stomach before a meeting, the sudden urge to check your phone when someone approaches-these aren't character flaws. They're signs of social anxiety, affecting 13% of Americans and touching nearly everyone at some point. What's startling? Only 1% of people never experience social anxiety, and they're likely psychopaths. The rest of us navigate this terrain daily, some more intensely than others. Social anxiety doesn't appear from nowhere. Genetics loads the gun-having a close relative with anxiety disorders increases your risk four to six times. But genes aren't destiny. They create vulnerability, while experience pulls the trigger. Consider Jim, raised in a tight-knit Boston neighborhood where his mother Maeve obsessively feared neighbors' judgment. She'd inspect her sons before they left home, terrified of criticism. Eventually, she stopped leaving entirely, sending her children to church as proxies. Jim absorbed a worldview where scrutiny lurked everywhere. At fourteen, when a friend mentioned that Deena, a girl he liked, returned his interest, Jim began hiding behind bushes and cars to avoid her. That moment crystallized everything-the genetic predisposition, the learned fear, the choice to retreat.
The Biology and Evolution of Social Fear
Understanding the Difference Between Caution and Suffering
Challenging the Inner Critic and Building Self-Compassion
Taking Action Before Confidence Arrives
The Transformative Power of Repeated Exposure
The Truth Behind the Myths and the Path to Connection
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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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